The next test – small update…

Tomorrow I go into Hospital for a long-awaited scan to attempt to determine my current condition. This (hopefully) will result in a definitive result. SCAN IS DONE – NOW, WAIT FOR RESULTS…

NOTE: The Scan I took in April, which was supposed to give me some answers – was inconclusive. The advice however; from the Doctor, was: enjoy life. Since then, I’ve visited long term clients (friends) in Finland. Gave a presentation in Bulgaria – while working, visiting with clients/friends again. Gave my LAST presentation in Europe on a Ferry going from Rome to Barcelona with Casey Conrad and Fred Hoffman. AND on Tuesday I’m on a plane to Finland for what may be my last time working before I’m forced to fully retire.

On the 29th of August I’m supposed to get the results from this Scan. My Doctor seems to be among the missing. She’s been on extended leave for some time and they don’t know whether she’ll be back on the 29th…But; they’ve promised me somebody to talk to…NEW DOCTOR APPOINTED AND TIME CHANGED – BUT, SAME DAY!

I’ll be brutally honest – I’m not feeling good about this test. It seems to be very final for some reason. I’ve been trying to cope with the ‘After Effects’ of all of the Chemo/Radiation/Steroids and other drugs I’ve consumed in the last year – battling this Invader – the Alien Trump! My feet are fried and I’m trying Reiki, a foot massager and a heavy duty foot massager ( I’ve been using a Bemer ( – on trial) to stimulate my blood to recover.

I guess that I’m scared to NOT be in remission. I know that I’ll never shake this Alien… But, I would certainly like to take a break.

So, what does the future hold? Ask me on September 1st.

Anyway, I live in hope that all will be well (at least for a while) and I’ll be writing something a bit more positive next month. I’m now off to my Home (Stable) Gym for my weights workout (compliments of Ziva, Star Trac and Octane Fitness.)

Before I go: I read this post from an old acquaintance/friend from my Music daze... Back in the mid-Seventies I was a Radio DJ in Philadelphia (WYSP 94.4fm) and met a fellow DJ from WMMR (Michael Tearson) who posted this.

It resonated with me – I hope you see something too…

After some time, you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand
and imprisoning a soul;
You learn that love does not equal sex,
and that company does not equal security,
and you start to learn….

That kisses are not contracts and gifts are not promises,
and you start to accept defeat with the head up high
and open eyes,
and you learn to build all roads on today,
because the terrain of tomorrow is too insecure for plans…
and the future has its own way of falling apart in half.

And you learn that if it’s too much
even the warmth of the sun can burn.

So you plant your own garden and embellish your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring flowers to you.

And you learn that you can actually bear hardship,
that you are actually strong,
and you are actually worthy,
and you learn and learn…and so every day.

Over time you learn that being with someone
because they offer you a good future,
means that sooner or later you’ll want to return to your past.

Over time you comprehend that only who is capable
of loving you with your flaws, with no intention of changing you
can bring you all happiness.

Over time you learn that if you are with a person
only to accompany your own solitude,
irremediably you’ll end up wishing not to see them again.

Over time you learn that real friends are few
and whoever doesn’t fight for them, sooner or later,
will find himself surrounded only with false friendships.

Over time you learn that words spoken in moments of anger
continue hurting throughout a lifetime.

Over time you learn that everyone can apologize,
but forgiveness is an attribute solely of great souls.

Over time you comprehend that if you have hurt a friend harshly
it is very likely that your friendship will never be the same.

Over time you realize that despite being happy with your friends,
you cry for those you let go.

Over time you realize that every experience lived,
with each person, is unrepeatable.

Over time you realize that whoever humiliates
or scorns another human being, sooner or later
will suffer the same humiliations or scorn in tenfold.

Over time you learn to build your roads on today,
because the path of tomorrow doesn’t exist.

Over time you comprehend that rushing things or forcing them to happen
causes the finale to be different form expected.

Over time you realize that in fact the best was not the future,
but the moment you were living just that instant.

Over time you will see that even when you are happy with those around you,
you’ll yearn for those who walked away.

Over time you will learn to forgive or ask for forgiveness,
say you love, say you miss, say you need,
say you want to be friends, since before
a grave, it will no longer make sense.

But unfortunately, only over time… — Jorge Luis Borges



12 thoughts on “The next test – small update…

Add yours

  1. Hey Doug, just had a moment to read this. Thanks for sharing those words… thought-provoking, but reassuring at the same time. Hope all goes well when you see the Doc! Hang in there, friend!


    1. Thank you my friend. The bottles are in pride of place in my ‘Office’ (Bike, Pinball, American Pool, Liquor Cabinet…) The bottles will be opened at my Wake…(I may open one on my deathbed…a long, long, long time from now…)


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