I’m starting to write this the day before the fat lady sings (actually, the Doctor is not really fat.) After all I’ve been through the last ten months boils down to the results that will be revealed tomorrow, from the Pet Scan that I had last Tuesday.
I admit: ‘”I’m scared shitless!”
IF the result is that there is some of the tumour left, then; supposedly, the only recourse is Extreme Chemotherapy (WTF – did I go through?) I still have issues with the nerves in my feet. (Basically, it’s like I’m walking on hot coals with my feet close to frostbite!) Also, it seems I need more Vitamin K (I’d never heard of this vitamin) to deal with teeth breaking and fingernails cracking. ALL from Chemotherapy – NOT Extreme! So, what would that be like?
IF this is the prognosis – my first questions will be: “How long do I have without going through this Extreme? How long would I have IF I subject this tired, old body to another four months – with six months recovery – with NO guarantee that this is going to work either?
Right now – I think I would reject the further Chemo and try to live out whatever remaining time, on my own, and deal with things as they develop. Unless there is substantial difference in the answers. To be honest: I’ll settle for three to four years – so, I can watch my son graduate as a Phd (Music Education) from the University of Colorado where he starts in the Fall.
The only outcome I expect is: Full Remission – Total Impeachment of the Alien Trump from my gut and no additional Cancers in my body (at the present time.) I fully realise that I have Cancer and it’s going to get me in the end. But, I’m NOT ready yet! My personal Doctor has said that it’s extremely rare to immediately develop another Cancer after what I’ve done to my body.
Anyway, all of this speculation is useless. This is what I’ve been dealing with since the 15th of January when I had my last Radiation Therapy treatement. I’ve tried to keep it out of my mind – but; as the result looms imminently…
Again, I’m scared. In 24 hours I’ll know…